Dir: Jonny Campbell | Cast: Liam Neeson, Lesley Manville, Joe Keery, Georgina Campbell | Comedy Horror 99′
Reviewed by Ian Long
“Why did they go down into the cellar?”
It’s a question that hangs over lots of horror films. Whatmakes people voluntarily put themselves in the way ofdangers that we, the audience, can see coming a mile off?
In Jonny Campbell’s comedy-horror Cold Storage, the question takes the specific form of “why did Naomi and Teacake climb down a ladder with a terrifying 400-foot vertical drop into pitch darkness after hearing a weird noise(and do it twice in the course of the film)?”
Travis ‘Teacake’ Meacham and Naomi Williams are junior employees at a self-storage facility in rural Kansas. He’s a sweet but mixed-up kid, on probation after being drawn into a minor crime. She’s a feisty single ‘mom’ struggling with an absent, negligent baby daddy. But what is the nature of the menace they’re facing?
In the world of the story, the Skylab space station of the 1970s secretly hosted a ‘gain-of-function’ experiment in which a hazardous fungus was genetically altered to enhance traits like virulence and ease of spread (many now believe that the COVID virus stemmed from a similar experiment).
The film suggests that when Skylab crashed and disintegrated in 1979, active material from the experiment fell to earth in Australia. After a fatal breakout, the US government sealed a sample inside a vault and, in the intervening years, rented out the facility’s ground level section to a commercial outfit, Atchison Self-Storage: the very one where Naomi and Teacake now work.
All the while, the fungus continued to fester, half-forgotten, in its sub-sub-sub-basement. And now it’s beginning to infect people and animals around the facility, making them turn green and explode into spore-ridden gunk. Luckily Naomi and Teacake are immune to all this, because they exist in a ditzy rom-com realm of wry, cute expressions and flirtatious banter.But others in the film are less fortunate.
Take Mike, Naomi’s ex-boyfriend, who unaccountably turns up at the facility with Mr Scroggins, their pet cat, whom he has accidentally killed. He is pretty unpleasant even in normal life, and only gets worse when the fungus turns him into a hideous, jaw-clacking zombie. Equally, Griffin, the manager of the facility, is able to die because he’s ugly, sweaty and fat. His gang of disreputable biker friends, who’ve come to collect some knocked-off TVs, provide opportunities for further fun slayings.
My screening of Cold Storage featured people in gas masks and camouflage gear marching about the cinema and shining torches at the audience, which is appropriate for a film set in the US but shot in Italy and Morocco, featuring a largely British and Irish cast camouflaged as Americans. Leads Georgina Campbell and Joe Keery are upbeat and engaging, Liam Neeson tries to deliver a bit of credibility by pretending to take it all seriously, Lesley Manville is a glamorously unflappable biohazard operative and – in a bizarre, scarcely credible stroke – Vanessa Redgrave appears as an elderly lady visiting her self-storage unit in order to commit suicide and join her husband in death.
Nothing really adds up here. There’s no good reason for Naomi and Teacake to climb down the 400-foot ladder into the Vault of the Fungus. But it would be wrong to dismiss the film for this. It isn’t going for significance or even coherence, just popcorn entertainment. And it works well enough, delivering sufficient shocks, gross-outs and laughs – often all at the same time – to fulfil its brief.
Cold Storage reminded me of Slither (2006), a body horror parody which had a degree or two more style. But it boasts a competent script by Davd “third most successful screenwriter of all time“ Koepp, whose status may explain why it’s been made with a budget large enough to cover convincing visual effects and some well-known actors.
All told, Cold Storage doesn’t amount to much more than a lightly retooled version of the B-movies American teenagers used to watch at drive-ins in the late 1950s and early 1960s. But do bear it in mind next time you borrow your daddy’s T-Bird for a hot date.
IN UK CINEMAS 20 February 2026
Dir: James Whale | Wri: Benn Levy/J B Priestley | Cast: Boris Karloff| Charles Laughton | Eva Moore | Gloria Stuart | Melvyn Douglas| Raymond Massey | Horror / Comedy |US 75′
Dir: Richard Lester | Writer: Charles Wood | Cast: John Lennon, Roy Kinnear, Michael Crawford, Michael Hordern, Jack MacGowran | UK Comedy 109′




Dir: Elio Petri | Writer: Ugo Pirri | Cast: Ugo Tognazzi, Flavio Bucci, Daria Nicolodi | Italy | Comedy Drama 126′
Hollywood may still be struggling with female representation as 2018 gets underway, but Europe has seen tremendous successes in the world of indie film where talented women of all ages are winning accolades in every sphere of the film industry, bringing their unique vision and intuition to a party that has continued to rock throughout the past year. Admittedly, there have been some really fabulous female roles recently – probably more so than for male actors. But on the other side of the camera, women have also created some thumping dramas; robust documentaries and bracingly refreshing genre outings: Lucrecia Martel’s mesmerising Argentinian historical fantasy ZAMA (LFF/left) and Julia Ducournau’s Belgo-French horror drama RAW (below/right) have been amongst the most outstanding features in recent memory. All these films provide great insight into the challenges women continue to face, both personally and in society as a whole, and do so without resorting to worthiness or sentimentality. So as we go forward into another year, here’s a flavour of what’s been happening in 2017.
It all started at SUNDANCE in January where documentarian Pascale Lamche’s engrossing film about Winnie Mandela, WINNIE, won Best World Doc and Maggie Betts was awarded a directing prize for her debut feature NOVITIATE, about a nun struggling to take and keep her vows in 1960s Rome. Eliza Hitman also bagged the coveted directing award for her gay-themed indie drama BEACH RATS, that looks at addiction from a young boy’s perspective.
Meanwhile, back in Europe, BERLIN‘s Golden Bear went to Hungarian filmmaker Ildiko Enyedi (right) for her thoughtful and inventive exploration of adult loneliness and alienation BODY AND SOUL. Agnieska Holland won a Silver Bear for her green eco feature SPOOR, and Catalan newcomer Carla Simón went home with a prize for her feature debut SUMMER 1993 tackling the more surprising aspects of life for an orphaned child who goes to live with her cousins. CANNES 2017, the festival’s 70th celebration, also proved to be another strong year for female talent. Claire Simon’s first comedy – looking at love in later life – LET THE SUNSHINE IN was well-received and provided a playful role for Juliette Binoche, which she performed with gusto. Agnès Varda’s entertaining travel piece FACES PLACES took us all round France and finally showed Jean-Luc Godard’s true colours, winning awards at TIFF and Cannes. Newcomers were awarded in the shape of Léa Mysius whose AVA won the SACD prize for its tender exploration of oncoming blindness, and Léonor Séraille whose touching drama about the after-effects of romantic abandonment MONTPARNASSE RENDEZVOUS won the Caméra D’Or.
The Doyenne of French contemporary cinema Isabelle Huppert won Best Actress in LOCARNO 2017 for her performance as a woman who morphs from a meek soul to a force to be reckoned with when she is struck by lightening, in Serge Bozon’s dark comedy MADAME HYDE. Huppert has been winning accolades since the 1970s but she still has to challenge Hollywood’s Ann Doran (1911-2000) on film credits (374) – but there is plenty of time!). Meanwhile, Nastassja Kinski was awarded a Lifetime Achievement Honour for her extensive and eclectic contribution to World cinema (Paris,Texas, Inland Empire, Cat People and Tess to name a few).
With a Jury headed by Annette Bening, VENICE again showed women in a strong light. Away from the Hollywood-fraught main competition, this year’s Orizzonti Award was awarded to Susanna Nicchiarelli’s NICO, 1988, a stunning biopic of the final years of the renowned model and musician Christa Pfaffen, played by a feisty Trine Dyrholm. And Sara Forestier’s Venice Days winning debut M showed how a stuttering girl and her illiterate boyfriend help each other overcome adversity. Charlotte Rampling won the prize for Best Actress for her portrait of strength in the face of her husbands’ imprisonment in Andrea Pallaoro’s HANNAH.
At last but not least, Hong Kong director Vivianne Qu (left/LFF) was awarded the Fei Mei prize at PINGYAO’s inaugural CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON film festival and the Film Festival of India’s Silver Peacock for her delicately charming feature ANGELS WEAR WHITE that deftly raises the harrowing plight of women facing sexual abuse in the mainland. It seems that this is a hot potato the superpowers of China and US still have in common. But on a positive note, LADYBIRD Greta Gerwig’s first film as a writer and director, has been sweeping the boards critically all over the US and is the buzzworthy comedy drama of 2018 (coming in February). So that’s something else to look forward to. MT























