Wilson (2017)

WILSON is probably the most cringeworthy film you’ll see this week. It stars Woody Harrelson as a dorkish bottom-feeder who should have been named ‘Scooter’ to complete the picture. Suddenly waking up to his single status mid-fifties, he tries a dramatic reverse thrust into his married past by contacting his delightful ex-wife.

Pippi is played by the ravishing Laura Dern who clearly couldn’t take him anywhere without him making major gaffs at every turn, forcing her to cut loose and have an abortion. Wilson has no redeeming features at all, nor is he remotely endearing or even amusing in the mould of, say, George (of George & Mildred fame) or even a Frank (from Some Mother’s do Have ‘Em). In short, he’s the smarmy plonker who tries to start up a clever conversation in the bus queue, assuming you share his views (which you don’t).

The nub of the story is that Pippi didn’t have an abortion at all, but put her daughter Claire (Isabella Amara) up for adoption, and who’s now a typical sharp-tongued teenager with oversize thighs and wealthy parents who ignore her. Suddenly Wilson goes from sad single to smug uber-Dad in one easy move. His conversation becomes littered with ghastly phrases like “as a parent” and he bores everyone rigid with his nuclear family-centric drivel.